Justin Taylor (monkey89) wrote in glitterrimjob,
Justin Taylor

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it's been a few months since my last anxiety entry
and i know all of you love them because everyone
loves other people's pain. just warning again,
don't take everything literally - i exxagerate...it

let's start out with last night. last night,
i made a picture of shman. i liked this picture of
shman. i thought "hey! this is a kickass picture
of shman. i should go show my mom" her reaction
wasn't what i expected. granted, i should never
expect a good reaction but what she said could piss
off any guy who is for drag queens, transvestites
and transgendered people.

my mom: nice. but if you show that, people
might think there is something wrong with you.
me: how so? because shman is a transvestite?
my mom: well...yea.
me: is there anything wrong with them?
my mom: yes. i do believe so.
me: i feel sorry for you.
my mom: you shouldn't.

see, this is how my family thinks on
homosexuality. my dad thinks it is all a joke.
he never takes it seriously when i talk to him
about it. my mom finds it wrong. she'll try to
accept me but sometimes she just hates it.
i never expected her to act this way - i was
hoping for a more "jonathan, you're darling
whoever you like. i could care less" and my
brother - god my brother, my relationship with
him went downhill ever since the end of winter

and time - i've been just noticing how
fast it's been going. i just checked my march
3rd entry from 2003...i mean, there is less than
3 months of school left and...i mean, basically i'm
almost a sophmore. and i really noticed today,
i've been with my grade for 5 years. 5 years at
charles e. smith jewish day school...and
every year i was a retard - i still have 3 more
years to fuck up too.

and while on the topic of fucking up, here comes
my grades. geometry is the worst, next comes history.
i don't know what's going on. i'm trying so hard
this year to pull my grades us, to have an overall
grade that will please the colleges i apply to. it's
just so hard. all the teachers, all the faculty are just
so fake. they try to be helpful and seem interested
in you...but it's so fake. i can hardly stand
my teachers this year.

on a sidenote, i stepped in piss today because
some fucker decided it would be better to pee on the floor
into the drain instead of using the toilet. i have my shoes
in the wash right now...god, for the rest of the day
they smelt like piss. today hasn't been that great - i'm
sure that was an obvious guess. i really wish i could have
a brother right now to vent...but he could care less about

fuck, i'm such a pussy..i'm crying.
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  • 1 comment
god, that sounds so awful!!! especially the stepping into piss part! i'm sorry. if it makes you feel any better, my mom is quite unimpressed with my band. and thinks that i will NEVER be a sucess. you shouldn't take your parents words too seriously about your drawing. not that you did or not, but it just bugs, you know? cheer up. =D