Justin Taylor (monkey89) wrote in glitterrimjob,
Justin Taylor

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it's been a few months since my last anxiety entry
and i know all of you love them because everyone
loves other people's pain. just warning again,
don't take everything literally - i exxagerate...it

let's start out with last night. last night,
i made a picture of shman. i liked this picture of
shman. i thought "hey! this is a kickass picture
of shman. i should go show my mom" her reaction
wasn't what i expected. granted, i should never
expect a good reaction but what she said could piss
off any guy who is for drag queens, transvestites
and transgendered people.

my mom: nice. but if you show that, people
might think there is something wrong with you.
me: how so? because shman is a transvestite?
my mom: well...yea.
me: is there anything wrong with them?
my mom: yes. i do believe so.
me: i feel sorry for you.
my mom: you shouldn't.

see, this is how my family thinks on
homosexuality. my dad thinks it is all a joke.
he never takes it seriously when i talk to him
about it. my mom finds it wrong. she'll try to
accept me but sometimes she just hates it.
i never expected her to act this way - i was
hoping for a more "jonathan, you're darling
whoever you like. i could care less" and my
brother - god my brother, my relationship with
him went downhill ever since the end of winter

and time - i've been just noticing how
fast it's been going. i just checked my march
3rd entry from 2003...i mean, there is less than
3 months of school left and...i mean, basically i'm
almost a sophmore. and i really noticed today,
i've been with my grade for 5 years. 5 years at
charles e. smith jewish day school...and
every year i was a retard - i still have 3 more
years to fuck up too.

and while on the topic of fucking up, here comes
my grades. geometry is the worst, next comes history.
i don't know what's going on. i'm trying so hard
this year to pull my grades us, to have an overall
grade that will please the colleges i apply to. it's
just so hard. all the teachers, all the faculty are just
so fake. they try to be helpful and seem interested
in you...but it's so fake. i can hardly stand
my teachers this year.

on a sidenote, i stepped in piss today because
some fucker decided it would be better to pee on the floor
into the drain instead of using the toilet. i have my shoes
in the wash right now...god, for the rest of the day
they smelt like piss. today hasn't been that great - i'm
sure that was an obvious guess. i really wish i could have
a brother right now to vent...but he could care less about

fuck, i'm such a pussy..i'm crying.
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